Of Men and Trolls

The kindly Professor has an awesome and terrible canine companion who sits at his feet more often than not when he writes his missives.

OK, Ringo is not quite ferocious, except in his own little mind, though he does have a spiked collar and does lord over our 16 lb King Charles Spaniel. He is a black 18 lb. cock-a-poo eunuch.

He is quite sure the entire street in front of our house belongs to him and woe unto anyone who walks on his street; they will receive the terrifying bark attack from our killer dog in the window. It’s silly to us, but to him it is very important. Fortunately in our semi-rural home we have little foot traffic. Inside the home he is very sensitive about males; human or other. This morning we got up to find that our macho-dog had found the water bottle of our daughter’s husband on the floor, and had marked it with his golden mark (leaving a mess).

Males are, by nature, always in a fight for supremacy with all other males; specifically supremacy for sexual mates. This is not a defect in character, but rather it is central to their nature. For modern humans, this battle only takes the form of literal physical fighting in rare cases. Today this fight for supremacy is most often fought with proxies: athletic achievement, money, power, social status and physical appearance.

Further although the tools to attain these proxies are sometimes martial or physical in nature (especially for young men), this is not the most common route to conquest for males, nor has it been for much of recorded history. More commonly used tools in the fight for male sexual dominance are: conspicuous wealth, physical appearance, social status, intellectual/academic prowess and even specific notable achievements (such as climbing Mt. Everest).

Thus a man “marks his territory” by name dropping, degrees on the wall, big cars, expensive clothing, fancy titles, exclusive memberships. Perhaps the most obvious way modem men demonstrate their sexual prowess is by demonstrating their authority over others. In all these ways met tell those around them that he has the metaphorical “biggest dick in the room”. He makes this display to both sexual competitors as well as potential sexual partners. It is in the nature of male mammals to see every the others as either as potential a competitor or conquest.

As men age, they continue to seek ways to be top dog even if they have spent years as the runt. The patron saint of geeks, Bill Gates, showed one way to succeed by brains and drive to become fabulously rich. Now, thought it would seem counter intuitive, he is also making a statement of prowess as he devotes his life to giving away that fortune he amassed. Who could be more desirable that a man who acquired wealth in his youth only to spend his golden years using that wealth for altruism. Consider how many men in professions like minister and counselor have women falling at their feet. Or how almost all cults are led by a man and he, more often than not, has a virtual harem of women competing for a place in his bed.

But billionaires and cult leaders are the exception. Most men, spend years competing in the quest to have the biggest dick around only to have life teach them that they need not have the biggest dick in the world to find meaning, happiness or contentment. They find on a much smaller scale the same basic lesson Bill Gates learned: goodness, commitment to family and peace with those around you are the reward, not who has put their proverbial dick in as many other people as possible.

While many men learn this lesson by mid-life, all too many never do. All too common are men who spend their entire lives seeking to become a big fish in small ponds. Here is where you see petty tyrants ordering their wife/children or their “minimum-wage” subordinates around like he is the Pharaoh. The plethora of social organizations also afford opportunity for men to control others, collect titles and gain respect even if it is the tiniest niche community. Whether it is the Masons, the Rotary, the local Audubon chapter or a church/synagogue/mosque, men seek to use these to establish their importance and thus their sexual preeminence. The newest wrinkle in this pattern is the ‘on-line’ world, were a man can be whatever his language skills gives him the ability to be. If in the very unlikely even this web site one day has ten-thousand member’s, even Professor Polyamory’s metaphorical penis would be a foot long (though I have more chance of being abducted by aliens than that happening).

But there has developed a short cut to having a big on-line penis: become a troll.

I like the word Troll to describe people who engage in senselessly hurtful or abusive behavior in the virtual world. Such people are indeed like the trolls of fantasy; they go around carrying a big club and use it to destroy people and things just for the joy of causing pain. The modern troll’s club is made of words and they use indiscriminant verbal violence to prove they are powerful. The metaphor does not end there though, while the troll might be powerful, he does not attract a mate. The troll, in fiction and on-line only succeed in showing their weakness and unfathomable stupidity.

When you see a man struggling mightily to show his sexual prowess in some annoying petty way (or get a troll like comment on-line), it serves no purpose to “put him in his place.” While that might satisfy our need for justice, in realty all that does is to force that man to find other, often more problematic way to prove his penis is up to the task. In almost all cases, someone even more vulnerable than the person you stopped him from victimizing will feel the heel of his boot or sting of his hurtful words.

When encountering such a person it is often better to make him think you are impressed with his penis and thus reduce his need to wave it in your face or to force it down the throat of someone weaker than you.

After all, who has need to explain anything to a troll?